As many of my friends and family know...I am working on writing a novel. My second attempt at such a grueling task and I am hoping and planning to actually finish this one. And like so many of my inspiring thoughts, this one came to me after the lights were turned out at 11 p.m. one night and I was lying in bed, mind racing.
Writing is a lot like Life in three essential ways:
1. You can not do it in any order you map out. No matter how hard you try or believe you can.
2. It is a rather messy process that is mentally quite painful.
3. You must simply learn as you go. There are no prescribed set of instructions.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Holidazzle 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
a tough year
As we round the corner to a whole new year, i get to thinking about this past one. there are, of course, some fond memories. however, i am clouded by many a difficult one. such as...one year ago, on December 8th, i went in for what was to be a routine sonogram for a baby which was unplanned, and a pleasant surprise. i was informed that he/she had no heartbeat. i will never forget this day. just like i never forget that day many years ago when i lost a dear friend on January 13th. it is these days that will forever remain etched in my mind.
my husband is about to lose his current job. through no fault of his own. just the ways of fate and how the cards were dealt (and how some people dealt them).
but this posting is not meant to be a long list of my woes or a sob story to make everyone feel sorry for me. instead, i try to look at each New Year as a new beginning. a perfect spot to collect the bad stuff that littered the past year and put it in the trash bin; to start with a clean slate.
it is a time to remember the good times, be they even single good moments; like when my daughter Isabella started Kindergarten and lost her first front tooth; or my son Evan rode a two-wheeler for the first time, his little round head bouncing and weaving down the street as he pushed on those pedals and listed side to side to keep his precarious balance.these are the things I will remember most when i think back on my life. i am certain of it.
because now that i am 38, i look back on many a year, some of which may have seemed unpleasant at the time...for example those seemingly endless years of being single in my 20's, hoping to meet "the one" and get married. ...and realize that those times had their pleasant points - going out with friends all over New York City, first dates, first kisses. and, let's not neglect those stories we have all amassed during those swinging single years. the ones we tell and retell all our friends about. some dumb thing some bozo did. and, believe me, that bozo could very well have been ME sometimes!
point is, now that i am here in 2010, i look back on those years fondly. i have only bittersweet nostalgia for the tough times that only made getting to this place in life even sweeter.
and that brings me to my point. i have big dreams for my future and the future of my family. who doesn't? i dream of a big, old house that my husband and i can restore and put our whole heart and soul into; plenty of land for the kids to run and play; a couple of big dogs (Irish Setters, preferably); and, who knows, maybe even a horse or two!
i just KNOW we are gonna have a great life. things will improve. maybe i will finally FINISH a whole book. hey...maybe i will even publish a book!!
and then...one day...when we are sitting on our wrap-around porch, in rocking chairs, at our completely restored historic home, we will look with fondness on our perceived hardships and feel slightly nostalgic for our past...when we were younger...when our kids were still so little....when we tried (although unsuccessfully it sometimes seems) to stay on a tight budget (or grow grass in Florida)...when things were simpler (or, not so simple).
it is when we look back on these years that we will wish we had focused less on what we didn't have and more on ALL we did!
my husband is about to lose his current job. through no fault of his own. just the ways of fate and how the cards were dealt (and how some people dealt them).
but this posting is not meant to be a long list of my woes or a sob story to make everyone feel sorry for me. instead, i try to look at each New Year as a new beginning. a perfect spot to collect the bad stuff that littered the past year and put it in the trash bin; to start with a clean slate.
it is a time to remember the good times, be they even single good moments; like when my daughter Isabella started Kindergarten and lost her first front tooth; or my son Evan rode a two-wheeler for the first time, his little round head bouncing and weaving down the street as he pushed on those pedals and listed side to side to keep his precarious balance.these are the things I will remember most when i think back on my life. i am certain of it.
because now that i am 38, i look back on many a year, some of which may have seemed unpleasant at the time...for example those seemingly endless years of being single in my 20's, hoping to meet "the one" and get married. ...and realize that those times had their pleasant points - going out with friends all over New York City, first dates, first kisses. and, let's not neglect those stories we have all amassed during those swinging single years. the ones we tell and retell all our friends about. some dumb thing some bozo did. and, believe me, that bozo could very well have been ME sometimes!
point is, now that i am here in 2010, i look back on those years fondly. i have only bittersweet nostalgia for the tough times that only made getting to this place in life even sweeter.
and that brings me to my point. i have big dreams for my future and the future of my family. who doesn't? i dream of a big, old house that my husband and i can restore and put our whole heart and soul into; plenty of land for the kids to run and play; a couple of big dogs (Irish Setters, preferably); and, who knows, maybe even a horse or two!
i just KNOW we are gonna have a great life. things will improve. maybe i will finally FINISH a whole book. hey...maybe i will even publish a book!!
and then...one day...when we are sitting on our wrap-around porch, in rocking chairs, at our completely restored historic home, we will look with fondness on our perceived hardships and feel slightly nostalgic for our past...when we were younger...when our kids were still so little....when we tried (although unsuccessfully it sometimes seems) to stay on a tight budget (or grow grass in Florida)...when things were simpler (or, not so simple).
it is when we look back on these years that we will wish we had focused less on what we didn't have and more on ALL we did!
Friday, December 3, 2010
i lost my wedding band
the other day my son Evan, who is obsessed with all things trucks, got me to stand on a busy street corner and wait for trucks to go by. when they drove past he would pump his right arm up and down motioning for them to honk their horns. some did. and then, some were too busy on their phones or cb radios or whatever it is they do while they drive. poor little guy. he is so crestfallen when he can't get a beep outta one of them. some of them are such good sports though. thank goodness. for his sake as much as mine. i wanted to get outta there. it was one of the coldest days we have had yet here in Florida as of late.
it was so cold i guess my fingers must have shrunk and my wedding band must have slipped right out of my fingerless glove.
we continued about our day, finally arriving at the YMCA, where when i went into the locker room, i removed my glove only to discover my engagement ring sitting solo on my finger and my wedding band nowhere to be found. i searched all my bags. i searched my entire car. i searched on the ground beneath and around my car. i retraced my steps back to previous spots. did not find it.
then, i regrouped at home. i cried. then, i asked Evan to come with me one more time to the spot on which we had been standing that morning and look once more. i had resigned myself to the fact that i most likely would not find it. but, now i was calm. i had to give it another go.
we retraced our steps from where we had parked and walked over to the spot we had stood, all the while combing the ground. nothing. then, i sat down, spent, an emotional wreck, deflated, hopeless.....
Evan stood before me, reached down into the grass and pulled up something which he handed to me with a simple, "Mommy, what's this?" as he slowly lifted it from beneath a few blades of grass under which my own feet may have trampled it when I had searched the area earlier. he handed it to me. i slipped it onto my finger. i sat down. and i cried in relief and appreciation and joy. i hugged that boy so tight. and all i could think of was how i had only lost a ring. my wedding band. a symbol of a bond between two people. imagine the pain of losing an actual person one loves? i cried and held him tight, thankful for my angel; my healthy, smart, beautiful angel of a little boy. who had helped his mommy more than he could even comprehend.
it was so cold i guess my fingers must have shrunk and my wedding band must have slipped right out of my fingerless glove.
we continued about our day, finally arriving at the YMCA, where when i went into the locker room, i removed my glove only to discover my engagement ring sitting solo on my finger and my wedding band nowhere to be found. i searched all my bags. i searched my entire car. i searched on the ground beneath and around my car. i retraced my steps back to previous spots. did not find it.
then, i regrouped at home. i cried. then, i asked Evan to come with me one more time to the spot on which we had been standing that morning and look once more. i had resigned myself to the fact that i most likely would not find it. but, now i was calm. i had to give it another go.
we retraced our steps from where we had parked and walked over to the spot we had stood, all the while combing the ground. nothing. then, i sat down, spent, an emotional wreck, deflated, hopeless.....
Evan stood before me, reached down into the grass and pulled up something which he handed to me with a simple, "Mommy, what's this?" as he slowly lifted it from beneath a few blades of grass under which my own feet may have trampled it when I had searched the area earlier. he handed it to me. i slipped it onto my finger. i sat down. and i cried in relief and appreciation and joy. i hugged that boy so tight. and all i could think of was how i had only lost a ring. my wedding band. a symbol of a bond between two people. imagine the pain of losing an actual person one loves? i cried and held him tight, thankful for my angel; my healthy, smart, beautiful angel of a little boy. who had helped his mommy more than he could even comprehend.
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