a tough year

As we round the corner to a whole new year, i get to thinking about this past one. there are, of course, some fond memories. however, i am clouded by many a difficult one. such as...one year ago, on December 8th, i went in for what was to be a routine sonogram for a baby which was unplanned, and a pleasant surprise. i was informed that he/she had no heartbeat. i will never forget this day. just like i never forget that day many years ago when i lost a dear friend on January 13th. it is these days that will forever remain etched in my mind.
my husband is about to lose his current job. through no fault of his own. just the ways of fate and how the cards were dealt (and how some people dealt them).
but this posting is not meant to be a long list of my woes or a sob story to make everyone feel sorry for me. instead, i try to look at each New Year as a new beginning. a perfect spot to collect the bad stuff that littered the past year and put it in the trash bin; to start with a clean slate.
 it is a time to remember the good times, be they even single good moments; like when my daughter Isabella started Kindergarten and lost her first front tooth; or my son Evan rode a two-wheeler for the first time, his little round head bouncing and weaving down the street as he pushed on those pedals and listed side to side to keep his precarious balance.these are the things I will remember most when i think back on my life. i am certain of it.
because now that i am 38, i look back on many a year, some of which may have seemed unpleasant at the time...for example those seemingly endless years of being single in my 20's, hoping to meet "the one" and get married. ...and realize that those times had their pleasant points - going out with friends all over New York City, first dates, first kisses. and, let's not neglect those stories we have all amassed during those swinging single years. the ones we tell and retell all our friends about. some dumb thing some bozo did. and, believe me, that bozo could very well have been ME sometimes!
point is, now that i am here in 2010, i look back on those years fondly. i have only bittersweet nostalgia for the tough times that only made getting to this place in life even sweeter.
and that brings me to my point. i have big dreams for my future and the future of my family. who doesn't? i dream of a big, old house that my husband and i can restore and put our whole heart and soul into; plenty of land for the kids to run and play; a couple of big dogs (Irish Setters, preferably); and, who knows, maybe even a horse or two!
i just KNOW we are gonna have a great life. things will improve. maybe i will finally FINISH a whole book. hey...maybe i will even publish a book!!
and then...one day...when we are sitting on our wrap-around porch, in rocking chairs, at our completely restored historic home, we will look with fondness on our perceived hardships and feel slightly nostalgic for our past...when we were younger...when our kids were still so little....when we tried (although unsuccessfully it sometimes seems) to stay on a tight budget (or grow grass in Florida)...when things were simpler (or, not so simple).
it is when we look back on these years that we will wish we had focused less on what we didn't have and more on ALL we did!